Showing posts with label genderqueer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label genderqueer. Show all posts
Friday, March 29, 2019
Free Breast Forms
A simple order form you can share around, for anyone who wants free crochet breast forms (for bra stuffing) - anonymous orders allowed! https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeWNses5JmjK_D88uKF58t0qyvwXDTAq63whOU1BUOGppr19w/viewform
Saturday, April 22, 2017
It's not just about the restrooms but because you all keep making it about the restrooms we can talk about that...
Presented to Celebrate Diversity 2017 in Warsaw, Indiana.
I stand with my young child and face two doors, knowing what I need can be found behind both, aware that choosing one over the other is to publicly declare my deepest political allegiances. I casually make my way through Door #1, hoping nobody will notice. “Sir” I look up, and realize she’s looking directly at me. I’ve been found out. “Sir, you want to be over there,” she commands as she points directly toward Door #2, valiantly defending the innocence of the flock of preschool girls we’re both surrounded by. We go into the other room without a fuss. My child peers into a nearby urinal with suspicion at its contents, then up at me. “Mommy, what-” I swiftly brush him into the nearest stall before he can utter any more incriminating words, not knowing how to explain to a preschooler that there is no Door #3 for people like me.
There is a chance that any time you or your loved ones enters a public restroom, that they could be sharing it with a sex offender. Child molesters, voyeurs/exhibitionists, date rapists - these are all people who buy the same groceries as us, eat at the same restaurants as us, and fill up at the same gas stations as us. If you were the type to be concerned about safety in public restrooms, and believed that legislation were an effective tool to protect restroom patrons, what could you do about this situation? If your proposed response is to outlaw transgender people, you just might be Indiana Republican state Senator Jim Tomes. Bear with me, I’m quoting him verbatim: “What about the other sector of society of people that who have all through the decades women been using women’s restrooms and men been using men’s restrooms and kind of like that and kind of expect that level of privacy?”
Don’t worry about people who are actually predators and convicted sex offenders; the real danger has been me all along! Nevermind that if there really were an epidemic of cross-dressing voyeurs peeping under bathroom stalls, Fox News would be plastering their mug shots all over scare pieces in a never-ending parade of shame. Meanwhile, the true stories of abuse and violence against transgender folks in public spaces get pushed to the back pages of the news.
I don't like the men's restrooms because I'm not a man, I’m nonbinary. I am familiar with the women's restrooms, but I'm not a woman, and I raise far too many suspicions in there now for my comfort anyway. I have gotten very skilled at finding single-user restrooms wherever I go, but I will use the men's room now if it's urgent, and carry myself with the confidence of a mediocre white man in a generally successful attempt to blend in.
I’m disturbed by a trend lately, where some men gleefully plot for (or at least dream about) pushing themselves into women's restrooms in an attempt to get kicked out. Sometimes it’s cis men [“cisgender” means someone who is not transgender]. These cis men are attempting to “prove” that anyone can “fake” being trans simply by throwing on a dress. Sometimes it’s trans men posting selfies, and then "surprise! I have a vagina!" It's supposed to “prove” that they don't belong in women’s restrooms because they "look like a man". The problem is that all of this harms women. Many trans women are suspected of “faking” their genders and that's why these laws are being passed in the first place. They are enforced by targeting women who “look like men”, which hurts all women, trans and cis alike. Plus, at its most basic this trend an example of cis and trans men forcing their way past women’s stated boundaries in an attempt to intimidate them to get their own way. What if masculinity were used for justice instead of violence?
In many states, there has never been a law explicitly against using the "wrong" restroom. So why after over 100 years of trans people in multi-user public restrooms - yes, we've always been using them, even if you didn't notice - why now do we suddenly have this deep and urgent need for laws to segregate and outlaw us? Honestly, it's for the money. This is a great way to scare people into donating money to the political campaign or advocacy organization of their choice. I'm including pro-LGBT orgs here: many of them use fear tactics to profit from our situation too.
Even if laws were passed explicitly to protect people like me, we still wouldn't be safe. Laws can only provide recourse against harms already caused, for those of us who can even afford legal action, but they don’t change the hearts and minds of those who act against us. The fact is, we cannot be safe in a society that demands segregation. I mean that in the fullest sense. We cannot be safe in a society that demands “separate yet equal” restrooms.
Racial segregation dates back to 1849; the first separate gendered restroom ordinances came 40 years later, in 1887. When you dig into the arguments presented when proposing these gendered restrictions over the past century, you will find that it wasn’t about protecting women from men, it especially wasn’t about protecting black women from white men, it was always about protecting white women from black men by demonizing blackness. Segregated restrooms have always been racist as well as sexist, and as such will always be unsafe.
I again want to make it very clear that the root of the violence against my people isn’t the laws, it’s the prevailing mentality of a society that accepts a certain order of things as “normal”, and anyone who deviates is deemed in need of correction. In a society where all genders were valid and deserving of equal recognition and protection, it would be unthinkable to demand some of us to hide ourselves while others flaunt your “normal” genders every chance you get. You accept gender segregation because you don’t see us as real people.
For example: a friend of mine on Facebook recently posted that she defended the right of trans women to use the women’s restroom alongside herself, but she wanted to ask all trans women to please place the seat down after they were finished. Several of her friends chimed in their complaints in the comments. I think they thought they were being cute, but the message was clear: normal women keep the seat down, fake women leave it up. It never occurred to them that if a trans woman leaves the seat up, then leaving the seat up is a normal way for women to use the toilet, because trans women are women, not objects for your scrutiny.
Separating us out as not normal, not like you, not fully people leaves us vulnerable even in places that aren’t segregated by gender, even in places designated specifically for us. Stonewall Inn, site of the Stonewall Riots of 1969, is famed as the birthplace of the modern gay rights movement. In March of last year, a transgender woman went into the single-user restroom of Stonewall Inn, and video surveillance shows a man following her in there, where he then attacked and raped her. There are no safe spaces for people who are deemed less than human.
Two years ago, I spent the weekend traveling the beautiful Ozarks of Missouri with my child and my transgender wife. We stopped at a gas station to fill up, and we needed a bathroom break. It was a tiny place with a single-user restroom on the exterior of the building, so we sat on the nearby bench to wait our turn. The man standing next in line before us refused to budge. Soon he was joined by another man, forming a barricade. A woman came out and begged him not to start anything, to just let us go. We quickly realized they were targeting us, refusing to let us access the single-user restroom, willing to escalate to violence if necessary. They didn’t see a family with a child. They didn’t see people. They just saw some deviants with fake genders. We will never be safe until we are real.
I stand with my young child and face two doors, knowing what I need can be found behind both, aware that choosing one over the other is to publicly declare my deepest political allegiances. I casually make my way through Door #1, hoping nobody will notice. “Sir” I look up, and realize she’s looking directly at me. I’ve been found out. “Sir, you want to be over there,” she commands as she points directly toward Door #2, valiantly defending the innocence of the flock of preschool girls we’re both surrounded by. We go into the other room without a fuss. My child peers into a nearby urinal with suspicion at its contents, then up at me. “Mommy, what-” I swiftly brush him into the nearest stall before he can utter any more incriminating words, not knowing how to explain to a preschooler that there is no Door #3 for people like me.
There is a chance that any time you or your loved ones enters a public restroom, that they could be sharing it with a sex offender. Child molesters, voyeurs/exhibitionists, date rapists - these are all people who buy the same groceries as us, eat at the same restaurants as us, and fill up at the same gas stations as us. If you were the type to be concerned about safety in public restrooms, and believed that legislation were an effective tool to protect restroom patrons, what could you do about this situation? If your proposed response is to outlaw transgender people, you just might be Indiana Republican state Senator Jim Tomes. Bear with me, I’m quoting him verbatim: “What about the other sector of society of people that who have all through the decades women been using women’s restrooms and men been using men’s restrooms and kind of like that and kind of expect that level of privacy?”
Don’t worry about people who are actually predators and convicted sex offenders; the real danger has been me all along! Nevermind that if there really were an epidemic of cross-dressing voyeurs peeping under bathroom stalls, Fox News would be plastering their mug shots all over scare pieces in a never-ending parade of shame. Meanwhile, the true stories of abuse and violence against transgender folks in public spaces get pushed to the back pages of the news.
I don't like the men's restrooms because I'm not a man, I’m nonbinary. I am familiar with the women's restrooms, but I'm not a woman, and I raise far too many suspicions in there now for my comfort anyway. I have gotten very skilled at finding single-user restrooms wherever I go, but I will use the men's room now if it's urgent, and carry myself with the confidence of a mediocre white man in a generally successful attempt to blend in.
I’m disturbed by a trend lately, where some men gleefully plot for (or at least dream about) pushing themselves into women's restrooms in an attempt to get kicked out. Sometimes it’s cis men [“cisgender” means someone who is not transgender]. These cis men are attempting to “prove” that anyone can “fake” being trans simply by throwing on a dress. Sometimes it’s trans men posting selfies, and then "surprise! I have a vagina!" It's supposed to “prove” that they don't belong in women’s restrooms because they "look like a man". The problem is that all of this harms women. Many trans women are suspected of “faking” their genders and that's why these laws are being passed in the first place. They are enforced by targeting women who “look like men”, which hurts all women, trans and cis alike. Plus, at its most basic this trend an example of cis and trans men forcing their way past women’s stated boundaries in an attempt to intimidate them to get their own way. What if masculinity were used for justice instead of violence?
In many states, there has never been a law explicitly against using the "wrong" restroom. So why after over 100 years of trans people in multi-user public restrooms - yes, we've always been using them, even if you didn't notice - why now do we suddenly have this deep and urgent need for laws to segregate and outlaw us? Honestly, it's for the money. This is a great way to scare people into donating money to the political campaign or advocacy organization of their choice. I'm including pro-LGBT orgs here: many of them use fear tactics to profit from our situation too.
Even if laws were passed explicitly to protect people like me, we still wouldn't be safe. Laws can only provide recourse against harms already caused, for those of us who can even afford legal action, but they don’t change the hearts and minds of those who act against us. The fact is, we cannot be safe in a society that demands segregation. I mean that in the fullest sense. We cannot be safe in a society that demands “separate yet equal” restrooms.
Racial segregation dates back to 1849; the first separate gendered restroom ordinances came 40 years later, in 1887. When you dig into the arguments presented when proposing these gendered restrictions over the past century, you will find that it wasn’t about protecting women from men, it especially wasn’t about protecting black women from white men, it was always about protecting white women from black men by demonizing blackness. Segregated restrooms have always been racist as well as sexist, and as such will always be unsafe.
I again want to make it very clear that the root of the violence against my people isn’t the laws, it’s the prevailing mentality of a society that accepts a certain order of things as “normal”, and anyone who deviates is deemed in need of correction. In a society where all genders were valid and deserving of equal recognition and protection, it would be unthinkable to demand some of us to hide ourselves while others flaunt your “normal” genders every chance you get. You accept gender segregation because you don’t see us as real people.
For example: a friend of mine on Facebook recently posted that she defended the right of trans women to use the women’s restroom alongside herself, but she wanted to ask all trans women to please place the seat down after they were finished. Several of her friends chimed in their complaints in the comments. I think they thought they were being cute, but the message was clear: normal women keep the seat down, fake women leave it up. It never occurred to them that if a trans woman leaves the seat up, then leaving the seat up is a normal way for women to use the toilet, because trans women are women, not objects for your scrutiny.
Separating us out as not normal, not like you, not fully people leaves us vulnerable even in places that aren’t segregated by gender, even in places designated specifically for us. Stonewall Inn, site of the Stonewall Riots of 1969, is famed as the birthplace of the modern gay rights movement. In March of last year, a transgender woman went into the single-user restroom of Stonewall Inn, and video surveillance shows a man following her in there, where he then attacked and raped her. There are no safe spaces for people who are deemed less than human.
Two years ago, I spent the weekend traveling the beautiful Ozarks of Missouri with my child and my transgender wife. We stopped at a gas station to fill up, and we needed a bathroom break. It was a tiny place with a single-user restroom on the exterior of the building, so we sat on the nearby bench to wait our turn. The man standing next in line before us refused to budge. Soon he was joined by another man, forming a barricade. A woman came out and begged him not to start anything, to just let us go. We quickly realized they were targeting us, refusing to let us access the single-user restroom, willing to escalate to violence if necessary. They didn’t see a family with a child. They didn’t see people. They just saw some deviants with fake genders. We will never be safe until we are real.
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
"Natural"
"Natural" is meaningless. "Natural" is artifice. "Natural" is the greatest sham of the century.
I fucking hate when people act like the mind is not part of the body, nor the body part of society. Meaningless distinctions.
My gender is all in your head.
It's something I realized back when I finally stopped pretending to be female. It really is all up to the beholder what they think gender is in general, and what my gender is by extension. I don't mean they determine for me what my gender is; their gender of me has tangible consequences for me. I can be completely honest in my comportment, and that does have some influence, but ultimately I'm not the author of my gender in their minds. Each time I am observed, they are creating a new gender, a spectre in their minds which is real as every other thought or experience they have.
It's important to note that this is identical to the gendering conflated onto cis people. The only difference is some gender spectres have a revocable aura of "natural".
👌
I fucking hate when people act like the mind is not part of the body, nor the body part of society. Meaningless distinctions.
My gender is all in your head.
It's something I realized back when I finally stopped pretending to be female. It really is all up to the beholder what they think gender is in general, and what my gender is by extension. I don't mean they determine for me what my gender is; their gender of me has tangible consequences for me. I can be completely honest in my comportment, and that does have some influence, but ultimately I'm not the author of my gender in their minds. Each time I am observed, they are creating a new gender, a spectre in their minds which is real as every other thought or experience they have.
It's important to note that this is identical to the gendering conflated onto cis people. The only difference is some gender spectres have a revocable aura of "natural".
👌
Saturday, August 8, 2015
Sexual Abuse as the Cis Norm for Sex Education
TW dysphoria and rape
Let's talk about how cis people have sexually abused me my entire life. FUN!
Being raped multiple times wasn't traumatic... so I felt for a while, only I'm now realizing this is an inversion of reality.
Being raped wasn't more traumatic than sex in general, not enough for me to notice a significant difference.
To understand why sex has historically been traumatic for me, we need to first look at what healthy sex looks like:
It requires informed consent and co-determination. I need to be aware of what is happening and have the ability to exercise bodily agency.
I, like many queer and trans folk, was raised to view penis-in-vagina as The Sex, and with zero acknowledgement that dysphoria is possible.
Every single person who had the opportunity to educate me, grossly neglected to de-center PIV or present other options for sex as equal.
The only context my vagina was mentioned was as either a source of magical Jesus powers, or as a source of profound sexual liberation.
It is especially important to note that every cis male partner I've had was actively pushing this repression/liberation sex binary for years.
I was actively taught to view my intense discomfort with vaginal stimulation (even in a loving caring context) as something that's fixable.
I was expected to change. Always me. Never the other person. Never the way society pushed their cis agenda.
Individual partners claimed to respect my desires to avoid certain contact, but would guilt me on how their "needs" were equally valid.
All of the sex-positivity cultural rhetoric was on their side as I was shamed for not being "good, giving, & game".
No one ever suggested even once that my feelings were normal or natural, and that their sexual pressure was the dysfunction.
Fact: informed consent is not possible when cis people have actively obstructed education on trans bodies and queer sex.
Fact: bodily agency and sexual co-determination is not possible in the midst of ongoing gaslighting.
Fact: cis-centered sex education is abusive, and cis people who aren't actively working to dismantle that are complicit in ongoing abuse.
Let's talk about how cis people have sexually abused me my entire life. FUN!
Being raped multiple times wasn't traumatic... so I felt for a while, only I'm now realizing this is an inversion of reality.
Being raped wasn't more traumatic than sex in general, not enough for me to notice a significant difference.
To understand why sex has historically been traumatic for me, we need to first look at what healthy sex looks like:
It requires informed consent and co-determination. I need to be aware of what is happening and have the ability to exercise bodily agency.
I, like many queer and trans folk, was raised to view penis-in-vagina as The Sex, and with zero acknowledgement that dysphoria is possible.
Every single person who had the opportunity to educate me, grossly neglected to de-center PIV or present other options for sex as equal.
The only context my vagina was mentioned was as either a source of magical Jesus powers, or as a source of profound sexual liberation.
It is especially important to note that every cis male partner I've had was actively pushing this repression/liberation sex binary for years.
I was actively taught to view my intense discomfort with vaginal stimulation (even in a loving caring context) as something that's fixable.
I was expected to change. Always me. Never the other person. Never the way society pushed their cis agenda.
Individual partners claimed to respect my desires to avoid certain contact, but would guilt me on how their "needs" were equally valid.
All of the sex-positivity cultural rhetoric was on their side as I was shamed for not being "good, giving, & game".
No one ever suggested even once that my feelings were normal or natural, and that their sexual pressure was the dysfunction.
Fact: informed consent is not possible when cis people have actively obstructed education on trans bodies and queer sex.
Fact: bodily agency and sexual co-determination is not possible in the midst of ongoing gaslighting.
Fact: cis-centered sex education is abusive, and cis people who aren't actively working to dismantle that are complicit in ongoing abuse.
Saturday, June 6, 2015
On the Not-Getting-It-ness of the "Socialized As" Objection
Thinking about "socialized as" narratives, and how they're often created by and/or twisted into the cis agenda. Even non-TERFs seem to have this idea that our sense of ourselves and our place in society is based on behavioral conditioning specific to the gender our parents/teachers/friends assumed we were. This can look like a lot of things, but Ember Assington and I had a chat about a specific example of childhood gender socialization: Christian sexual "purity".
No matter how loudly some Christians claim "no sex outside of marriage" applies to boys equally, they aren't fooling anyone here that it's really about controlling girls. Girls need to "save themselves", girls need to dress "modestly", and married women need to suddenly do a 180 and become sexually available (but on *his* terms).
Ember and I both got a heavy dose of this growing up. We both tried to peform to the best of our abilities, and we both knew which gender role everyone expected us to fulfill. But we didn't internalize those gendered messages they were attempting to target us with, not really.
I never really believed I had sinned when I had sex before marriage. It was fun! I was glad to finally express myself sexually. I knew I had to play "virgin" still, and yes, that in itself is oppression. However, I wasn't dealing with any guilt or shame because I was incapable of feeling like it really applied to me as a non-girl.
Ember's experience was, sadly, the inverse. All the "male socialization" in the world won't give a non-boy feelings of entitlement to girl's bodies or a sense of sexual autonomy. They instead deeply struggled with guilt and shame of "impurity", the natural result of being a girl under Christian patriarchy.
And that's just one aspect of what trans socialization really looks like, one drop in the bucket. We all have so many different experiences which are constantly being retroactively misgendered by cis society (even feminism). I hope for a day when our stories aren't estranged.
What are your stories?
No matter how loudly some Christians claim "no sex outside of marriage" applies to boys equally, they aren't fooling anyone here that it's really about controlling girls. Girls need to "save themselves", girls need to dress "modestly", and married women need to suddenly do a 180 and become sexually available (but on *his* terms).
Ember and I both got a heavy dose of this growing up. We both tried to peform to the best of our abilities, and we both knew which gender role everyone expected us to fulfill. But we didn't internalize those gendered messages they were attempting to target us with, not really.
I never really believed I had sinned when I had sex before marriage. It was fun! I was glad to finally express myself sexually. I knew I had to play "virgin" still, and yes, that in itself is oppression. However, I wasn't dealing with any guilt or shame because I was incapable of feeling like it really applied to me as a non-girl.
Ember's experience was, sadly, the inverse. All the "male socialization" in the world won't give a non-boy feelings of entitlement to girl's bodies or a sense of sexual autonomy. They instead deeply struggled with guilt and shame of "impurity", the natural result of being a girl under Christian patriarchy.
And that's just one aspect of what trans socialization really looks like, one drop in the bucket. We all have so many different experiences which are constantly being retroactively misgendered by cis society (even feminism). I hope for a day when our stories aren't estranged.
What are your stories?
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Attempting to Define Gender, a Case Study
What is the definition of "woman"? When I first saw the essay "Are Lesbians Women?" by Jacob Hale [trans man], it piqued my interest, partly because one of the first objections to my gender when I came out as genderqueer was that if I cannot adequately define "woman", I cannot adequately define myself to be outside of "woman". (One wonders why it would not suggest that, given the allegedly questionable validity of womanhood itself, I could be more easily "allowed" to define myself outside of it, but I digress.)
Pop culturally, trans women are not "real women", but a quick google reveals that cis women can have their "real woman" card revoked as well (though albeit on a somewhat different "no true scotsman" level). "Are Lesbians Women?" attempts to break down the fundamentals of womanhood into a list of what society has generally agreed are the criteria. Jacob Hale is quick to point out that no one single item on the list is "necessary or sufficient", meaning you can generally leave one off and still be included within the category of "woman" by society, but if you can only count one in your favor you are not included. For example: while "identifies as a woman" should be necessary and sufficient for womanhood, society rejects that criterion as such.
1. Absence of a penis
2. Presence of breasts
3. Presence of reproductive organs which allow for pregnancy to occur
4. Presence of estrogen and progesterone in balance with androgens within "normal" range
5. Presence of XX, or perhaps absence of Y, chromosomes
6. Having a gender identity as a woman
7. Having an occupation considered to be acceptable for a woman
8. Engaging in leisure pursuits considered to be acceptable for a woman
9. Engaging in some sort of sexual/affectional relationship with a man who is commonly recognized as heterosexual
10. Achieving and maintaining a physical gender self-presentation the elements of which work together to produce the gender assignment "woman"
11. Behaving in ways to produce the gender assignment "woman"
12. Giving textual [documentation] cues that work together to produce the gender assignment "woman"
13. Having an unbroken history consistent with the gender assignment "woman"
Notice that, thanks to the work of feminists, some of these categories have been so expanded as to include most people of any gender, particularly #s 7 and 8, and 10 and 11 to a lesser extent. Perhaps that's what my well-meaning friends are saying when they insist that I do not fall outside of sufficient criteria, because to a certain extent I cannot fall outside a criteria which encompasses nearly everything. However, as it stands, I only fully satisfy some of these requirements at this point (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 12), others are satisfied/unsatisfied in different ways at different stages of my life (7, 8, 9, 10, 11), and I definitely do not satisfy a few obvious ones (6, 13). It becomes even more complex when one realizes that #s 1-5 cannot be verified as fact by others without an intimate understanding of my medical history.
What about "lesbian" - can that be a gender identity in its own right independent of woman? (Yes, anything can be a gender identity. And no, claiming your gender identity is "squirrel" doesn't make you cute, it makes you a jerk.) How many criteria of "woman" can one violate and still be "lesbian"? For example, a genderqueer friend satisfies #s 7, 8, 11; partially satisfies 10; and does not satisfy 1-5 or 9. They also answer #6 as "identifies as lesbian" (among other gender labels).
There are many questions yet unanswered: How "woman" is "woman enough"? How many criteria must one meet before one is "real"; how many criteria must one violate before one is "fake"? How do we take into account the different ways different people rank the importance of different criteria? How do we allow for the ways that race, ethnicity, class, religion, sexuality, regional location, etc influence the threshold of each criterion? To whom do we defer authority to answer these and further questions on authentic womanhood, and how do we process dissent? Certainly Jacob Hale was in no position to answer all of these, and certainly I am neither, but that's the way I rather prefer it to be.
Pop culturally, trans women are not "real women", but a quick google reveals that cis women can have their "real woman" card revoked as well (though albeit on a somewhat different "no true scotsman" level). "Are Lesbians Women?" attempts to break down the fundamentals of womanhood into a list of what society has generally agreed are the criteria. Jacob Hale is quick to point out that no one single item on the list is "necessary or sufficient", meaning you can generally leave one off and still be included within the category of "woman" by society, but if you can only count one in your favor you are not included. For example: while "identifies as a woman" should be necessary and sufficient for womanhood, society rejects that criterion as such.
1. Absence of a penis
2. Presence of breasts
3. Presence of reproductive organs which allow for pregnancy to occur
4. Presence of estrogen and progesterone in balance with androgens within "normal" range
5. Presence of XX, or perhaps absence of Y, chromosomes
6. Having a gender identity as a woman
7. Having an occupation considered to be acceptable for a woman
8. Engaging in leisure pursuits considered to be acceptable for a woman
9. Engaging in some sort of sexual/affectional relationship with a man who is commonly recognized as heterosexual
10. Achieving and maintaining a physical gender self-presentation the elements of which work together to produce the gender assignment "woman"
11. Behaving in ways to produce the gender assignment "woman"
12. Giving textual [documentation] cues that work together to produce the gender assignment "woman"
13. Having an unbroken history consistent with the gender assignment "woman"
Notice that, thanks to the work of feminists, some of these categories have been so expanded as to include most people of any gender, particularly #s 7 and 8, and 10 and 11 to a lesser extent. Perhaps that's what my well-meaning friends are saying when they insist that I do not fall outside of sufficient criteria, because to a certain extent I cannot fall outside a criteria which encompasses nearly everything. However, as it stands, I only fully satisfy some of these requirements at this point (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 12), others are satisfied/unsatisfied in different ways at different stages of my life (7, 8, 9, 10, 11), and I definitely do not satisfy a few obvious ones (6, 13). It becomes even more complex when one realizes that #s 1-5 cannot be verified as fact by others without an intimate understanding of my medical history.
What about "lesbian" - can that be a gender identity in its own right independent of woman? (Yes, anything can be a gender identity. And no, claiming your gender identity is "squirrel" doesn't make you cute, it makes you a jerk.) How many criteria of "woman" can one violate and still be "lesbian"? For example, a genderqueer friend satisfies #s 7, 8, 11; partially satisfies 10; and does not satisfy 1-5 or 9. They also answer #6 as "identifies as lesbian" (among other gender labels).
There are many questions yet unanswered: How "woman" is "woman enough"? How many criteria must one meet before one is "real"; how many criteria must one violate before one is "fake"? How do we take into account the different ways different people rank the importance of different criteria? How do we allow for the ways that race, ethnicity, class, religion, sexuality, regional location, etc influence the threshold of each criterion? To whom do we defer authority to answer these and further questions on authentic womanhood, and how do we process dissent? Certainly Jacob Hale was in no position to answer all of these, and certainly I am neither, but that's the way I rather prefer it to be.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Trans Suicide Rates
For Transgender Day of Remembrance, let us remember that violence comes in more forms than direct physical attacks:
"A staggering 41% of respondents reported attempting suicide compared to 1.6% of the general population, with rates rising for those who lost a job due to bias (55%), were harassed/bullied in school (51%), had low household income, or were the victim of physical assault (61%) or sexual assault (64%)." http://www.thetaskforce.org/downloads/reports/reports/ntds_summary.pdf
"Nearly half (49%) of black respondents reported having attempted suicide." http://www.transequality.org/PDFs/BlackTransFactsheetFINAL_090811.pdf
"[Non-binary/genderqueer people] are slightly more likely to have attempted suicide at some point in their life (43 percent) than [binary transgender people] (40 percent). Both of these figures strike a stark contrast against the 1.6 percent rate of suicide attempts over the lifespan for the general U.S. population" http://www.thetaskforce.org/downloads/release_materials/agendernotlistedhere.pdf
So, for TDoR, I want to remind you that even if you feel like you don't matter to anyone in the world, you matter to us. Please remember that self-care is not selfish, that sometimes reaching out for help makes you the strongest person in the world. It may not "get better", but every time a trans person lives another day, you have the satisfaction of knowing you've pissed off a fundamentalist simply for existing.
"A staggering 41% of respondents reported attempting suicide compared to 1.6% of the general population, with rates rising for those who lost a job due to bias (55%), were harassed/bullied in school (51%), had low household income, or were the victim of physical assault (61%) or sexual assault (64%)." http://www.thetaskforce.org/downloads/reports/reports/ntds_summary.pdf
"Nearly half (49%) of black respondents reported having attempted suicide." http://www.transequality.org/PDFs/BlackTransFactsheetFINAL_090811.pdf
"[Non-binary/genderqueer people] are slightly more likely to have attempted suicide at some point in their life (43 percent) than [binary transgender people] (40 percent). Both of these figures strike a stark contrast against the 1.6 percent rate of suicide attempts over the lifespan for the general U.S. population" http://www.thetaskforce.org/downloads/release_materials/agendernotlistedhere.pdf
So, for TDoR, I want to remind you that even if you feel like you don't matter to anyone in the world, you matter to us. Please remember that self-care is not selfish, that sometimes reaching out for help makes you the strongest person in the world. It may not "get better", but every time a trans person lives another day, you have the satisfaction of knowing you've pissed off a fundamentalist simply for existing.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Going Where Gender Isn't
This talk was given to the Ethical Society of St Louis on November 10th 2013.
“The way you live without gender is you look for where gender is, and then you go somewhere else.”
I am the face that genderqueer wants you to see. Let me rephrase that. I am the face that you are willing to accept - that society is willing to accept as the proper vessel for my message this morning. I am a white, thin, educated, young person of female history - I’m wearing a bow tie. Bow ties are cool. For those of you who are listening online, yes, this is my voice. I know, it’s not what I was expecting either, but if Bruno Mars ever donates his vocal cords to charity, I’m first on the waitlist.
But what If my body were tall, angular, hair tied back to reveal an adams apple, lipstick applied expertly beneath a mustache, little black dress with a low-cut neckline that plunges down a flat chest... if you were to see that body walking down the street, that would probably strike most people as the punchline to a Monty Python cross-dressing skit more than a proud genderqueer person of male history. They don’t get to use restrooms in peace, have equal employment opportunities, be treated with dignity by medical professionals. Mothers shoo their children away from people like that, as my friends can sadly attest. Add color to that person’s skin, and they’re quickly demoted in the public eye to street walker, because what else could they be going about dressed that way? Perhaps their body is found dead, and the police close the case, because nobody important was killed, only a black “gay sex worker”.
My dramatic hypotheticals are no exaggeration either. Last week, a 13-year-old boy was suspended for wearing a purse to school. Also last week, an agender teenager fell asleep on the bus in California, only to have someone set fire to the skirt they were wearing in a self-professed crime of “homophobia”. This summer, the murder rate of transgender people increased to twice that of gays and lesbians, despite total numbers of trans people in the population being much smaller than cis LGB people.
This, dear humanists, is the violence of genderqueer invisibility, and that which is hidden in the shadows can be dehumanized without recourse. Of the 6,450 people who responded to the 2008 National Transgender Discrimination Survey, nearly ⅛ identified as “a gender not listed here”, that is, their gender is neither man nor woman. (I want to take a quick moment to point out that this number does not include transgender men and transgender women, on account of trans men and women being men and women.) “‘Genders not listed here’ have significantly higher educational attainment than their peers who did not have to write in their gender. . . Nonetheless, ‘genders not listed here’ are living in the lowest household income category at a much higher rate than those who [selected a binary gender].” Of particular note to us here in St Louis, respondents in the midwest and the south were less likely to identify as a non-binary gender. I can tell you from my personal experiences interacting with hundreds of genderqueer people online, that regional disparity is a direct result of the necessity to fit into a binary box for survival in places that are not tolerant of gender diversity.
According to the National Transgender Discrimination Survey, those “genders not listed here”, those who are neither woman nor man, also have a significantly higher educational attainment than our cisgender peers [cisgender being someone who is not transgender], but skew much poorer and younger than our binary trans brothers and sisters. In much the same way that living in the midwest gives us pause to living our authentic selves, coming of age in an era where we have access to internet communities of others like us can also give us the strength to know we are not alone. But what is the cost of authenticity? Non-binary and genderqueer people are more likely to avoid medical care for fear of discrimination, and as a result are more likely to not know our HIV status, and when we do know, our HIV-positive status is at a higher rate than other trans people. We’re more likely to avoid help from the police, because we’re more likely to be harassed by the police. We’re more likely to have been sexually assaulted at any point in our lives, including childhood. We’re less likely to have lost a job due to bias, but we’re more likely to seek a job in an underground economy in the first place. And - perhaps not surprisingly, after all this - we’re more likely to have attempted suicide than our binary trans sisters and brothers.
We keep waiting to be seen, to be heard, to be told that our rights matter and our humanity is valid. When Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was struck down, Dan Savage announced that transgender people could now serve openly. This assessment was sadly incorrect, and the trans members who serve in our military at twice the rate that cisgender people do were forgotten, our pleas for justice drowned out by the celebration for LGB people. Two years later, and Chelsea Manning still has to claw her way toward basic access to female-appropriate health care. In 34 US states, it is still legal to discriminate against transgender people in the workplace. Several of those states have protections for sexual orientation, such as Missouri affords those LGB people working in the public sector. But when trans people ask to be included, we are told to wait our turn. And we’re still waiting.
In recent news, just last Thursday the US Senate passed the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, or ENDA, which would provide employment protections on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity. ENDA has been introduced almost every year since 1994, and similar bills have as well, going back to 1974. In 2007, protections for trans people were finally added, only to be dropped again, to give the bill a better chance of passing. This is the first time the bill has been passed in a chamber of congress which included protections for LGB and T. However, Speaker Boehner has said he plans on blocking this bill, so we still can’t rely upon its passage to protect the equal access to employment rights for trans workers in all the United States, nor would it address many of the other much-needed protections we need in addition to employment rights.
“The way you live without gender is you look for where gender is, and then you go somewhere else.” When I first read that statement by Kate Bornstein, I was struck by both the profound necessity for me to follow that path, and by the sheer impossibility to do so successfully. “The way you live without gender is you look for where gender is, and then you go somewhere else.”
“Which pronouns do you prefer?” I am asked, as is the right thing to do when in doubt. “It doesn’t matter,” I used to lie, afraid I’d be accused of trying to change the world. “Oh you should definitely call me by gender-neutral pronouns,” I would say, enthusiastic that I’d found someone to change the world with me. “Using ‘he’ is fine,” I now admit, having grown weary of changing the world by myself.
“The way you live without gender is you look for where gender is, and then you go somewhere else.”
I stand with my young child and face two doors, knowing what I need can be found behind both, aware that choosing one over the other is to publicly declare my deepest political allegiances. I casually make my way through Door #1, hoping nobody will notice. “Sir” I look up, and realize she’s looking directly at me. I’ve been found out. “Sir, you want to be over there,” she commands as she points directly toward Door #2, valiantly defending the innocence of the flock of preschool girls we’re both surrounded by. We go into the other room without a fuss. My child peers into a nearby urinal with suspicion. “Mommy, what-” I swiftly brush him into the nearest stall before he can utter any more incriminating words, not knowing how to explain to a preschooler that there is no Door #3 for people like me.
One thing I found as I began navigating society from an explicitly genderqueer frame of reference was that if there were any role models, they were rare to be found. In looking into the history of the movement, I discovered that this was because the genderqueer community, by that name, was barely reaching 2 decades in age. This isn’t to say we’ve just invented the concept - I know genderqueer people in their 50s and beyond - but as a self-named social/political movement, we’re just getting started.
So who are our role models? Where can we find clues on where we’ve come from, to help ground us as we look forward to where we’re going? When I first tried to answer this question years ago, I was hoping to find binders full of genderqueers all over the internet. But what I mostly found were androgynous fashion heros like David Bowie and Tilda Swinton. I felt like I was floundering for a bit. “You mean we all have to figure this out on our own?” Well... yes.
Early October 2011, Kate Lovelady gave a platform address on The Leaders We’ve Been Waiting For. The description on our podcast page merely describes it as “new ideas gathered by her sabbatical”, but I’m going to spoil the ending for you: we’re the leaders we’ve been waiting for. And it all seemed so warm and inspirational at the time, but I made the connection after a bit that this is what the genderqueer community is already doing. We look around, wondering who will take this movement out of our hands and take it where it needs to go, and as we search, we see the faces of our siblings looking back at us. It’s always been us, going where gender isn’t, together.
So who are we? What are the human faces of genderqueer? Let me start with some of the more creative responses given by those “genders not listed here” when allowed to write in their own on the survey I mentioned earlier: “gender rebel”, “best of both”, “jest me”, “birl” spelled like mix of boy and girl, and my personal favorite, “trannydyke genderqueer wombat fantastica”. I also conducted my own survey, in preparation for today. I wanted to know what genderqueer people have to say to humanists: what you are encouraged see in us, what you can take initiative to do for us. I got a couple dozen responses which you can read in more detail on my blog entitled “Nerd is my Gender” [click here to read].
The responses were as varied as the individuals who responded, but a common thread ran throughout: a plea for society and for the humanist community to stop precluding our existence. Imagine, if you would, that if it were a matter of daily life that when you introduced yourself to people, they responded with “oh… well what did your parents name you?” rather than a friendly “nice to meet you.” Or if you said you had gotten married, they responded with “well, which state were you married in?” or “is your husband gay?” rather than a hearty “congratulations!” Imagine if you lived in a world where, essentially, you don’t exist to most people, and then you decide to be brave (or stubborn) enough to keep digging your heels in the sand and say “no, you don’t have a space on your form for my gender” or “no, you don’t have a restroom for my gender” or “no, your laws don’t include people like me” or “yes, I do need access to that medical treatment” or “yes that is my real name”. Imagine if you had to keep doing that over and over again, every time you met a new person at the Ethical Society, at the DMV, at the Shop n Save, and often with people you’ve known for months or years too, who suddenly develop “pronoun amnesia” when they’re around you. And then you have to get up the next morning, and find a reason to face all that again, to not join the 41% of us who attempt suicide in our lifetimes.
One of the more important ways we can take gender diversity for granted, and one that is surprisingly easy for everyone to fulfill, is by making the “gender” option on forms a fill-in-the-blank. Every time your form says “check one: M or F”, a kitten dies. Stop erasing us. Instead of the “select one: Mr, Mrs, Miss, Dr, Rev” etc, make it fill-in-the-blank. If every option available for me to chose is going to be a lie, I might as well pick the most fun lie. Doctor Semler? Reverend Semler? The Honorable Semler! That has a nice ring to it. And I’ll have you know, the Ethical Society member directory is literally the only place on the entire internet where I’ve encountered a fill-in-the-blank option. I get mail from the society delivered to Mx Andy Semler, and it makes my day.
Another common thread among survey responses was to please be proactive in making our communities safe for gender diversity. Have explicit gender-inclusive policies already in place even before the first person complains about an issue. It’s going to take a while before some of us trust you enough to admit that we’re not living life inside the gender binary. For many of us, this is why we may need a sign to feel safe before we out ourselves as genderqueer. We wait until we hear the code words of inclusivity. One way you can do this is by being explicit that anyone can use whichever restroom they feel more comfortable using, despite their physical appearance or whatever you think they may have underneath their clothes, and make sure the members who frequent the establishment are aware of that. If you have single-user restrooms, don’t label them with a gender at all. For example, our restroom in the nursery wing is gender-neutral. (It is also kept behind lock and key half the time, to my dismay.)
Try not to gender-label any other places or events either, if it’s not absolutely necessary. Insert inclusive language into your casual conversation, such as saying “this activity is for all genders” or the more simple “this activity is for everyone”, instead of the exclusive phrase “boys and girls”. If you have a men’s club or a women’s club, include invitations to all people who wish to participate in a masculine or a feminine space. We want to be written into your lives, and for some of us, this may be the first chance for us to finally feel recognized as fully human. “The way you live without gender is you look for where gender is, and then you go somewhere else.” Let that “somewhere else” be where you are, opening your arms to us.
One of the happiest moments for me was when I sat down with my 6-year-old to explain to him that I’m not a woman or a man, that my gender is queer. He was excited. “Sometimes you get to be a boy with me? Wow!” We discussed how that “mommy” and “daddy” are terms for women and men, and that we need a name for me that works for us. Now, I know a lot of parents say this, but I really do have the best kid in the world. He calls me “sweetie”.
Kate Bornstein, in all her infinite wisdom, didn’t quite get this one right for me, I think. The way I live without gender is I look for where gender is, and then I go somewhere I am loved.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Humanizing Genderqueer 19: Ellen/Kell
Humanizing Genderqueer: Lived experiences of non-binary people.
Gender Wins: Recall a happy memory of when you felt most comfortable in your gender or most accepted as your gender by those around you.
In grade ten of high school, I cut my hair short. I began to hairspray it some days, so it stood straight up; on these days, people would look at me and smile, and double take, and say they liked the look. I noticed, but I didn't pay attention, really, to these reactions. I felt exactly myself, and what made me proud was being able to talk to my friends without them mentioning how I looked, becoming familiar with the look. It started intrigue to La Roux, and represents androgyny and genderqueer to me, which is who I am.
Gender Struggles: Tell about a time when circumstances would not allow, or you had to make sacrifices, to remain true to your gender.
I have taken ballet for six years now, and recently found discomfort in classes due to the obvious female presentation of my body. I normally wear loose fitting or layered clothing, which hides my breasts and shape, and gives me comfort in being my preferred attire, but dance class has me wearing semi-sheer tights and a close-fitted bodysuit. As well, in classes with male dancers, there is frequently a different part for the male and female dancers, and it makes me feel almost naseous being categorized with the "females".
Humanist Involvement: Suggest something the humanist community could do to make a positive impact on your personal quality of life.
I'm frustrated by how little understanding there is of trans* in genral and the idea of a third or a non-gender identity specifically. I think education about the correlation between the brain and body, and the disconnect in some individuals, would help the understanding of dysphoria. I also think the introduction of gender neutral pronouns, such as ze and hir, into community would enable us, enable me, to be more comfortable, and happier, in this life.
How You Identify (optional): Name, age, gender, location, ethnicity, anything you deem relevant.
Ellen/Kell, genderqueer, Canada, 17
Survey responses shared with permission.
Gender Wins: Recall a happy memory of when you felt most comfortable in your gender or most accepted as your gender by those around you.
In grade ten of high school, I cut my hair short. I began to hairspray it some days, so it stood straight up; on these days, people would look at me and smile, and double take, and say they liked the look. I noticed, but I didn't pay attention, really, to these reactions. I felt exactly myself, and what made me proud was being able to talk to my friends without them mentioning how I looked, becoming familiar with the look. It started intrigue to La Roux, and represents androgyny and genderqueer to me, which is who I am.
Gender Struggles: Tell about a time when circumstances would not allow, or you had to make sacrifices, to remain true to your gender.
I have taken ballet for six years now, and recently found discomfort in classes due to the obvious female presentation of my body. I normally wear loose fitting or layered clothing, which hides my breasts and shape, and gives me comfort in being my preferred attire, but dance class has me wearing semi-sheer tights and a close-fitted bodysuit. As well, in classes with male dancers, there is frequently a different part for the male and female dancers, and it makes me feel almost naseous being categorized with the "females".
Humanist Involvement: Suggest something the humanist community could do to make a positive impact on your personal quality of life.
I'm frustrated by how little understanding there is of trans* in genral and the idea of a third or a non-gender identity specifically. I think education about the correlation between the brain and body, and the disconnect in some individuals, would help the understanding of dysphoria. I also think the introduction of gender neutral pronouns, such as ze and hir, into community would enable us, enable me, to be more comfortable, and happier, in this life.
How You Identify (optional): Name, age, gender, location, ethnicity, anything you deem relevant.
Ellen/Kell, genderqueer, Canada, 17
Survey responses shared with permission.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
On the Meaning of Cis
Eminism has a post up about further clarifying the meaning of the word "cis". It highlights an increasing problem in some feminisms lately, where cis women (who have always identified as female and who were designated female at birth) are rejecting the "cis" identity, because the gender roles assigned to women in our society are oppressive and they cannot relate to those roles. And yet... there are trans women who feel exactly the same way about women's gender roles in our society. And they are still women. I agree that most gender roles are oppressive, and I am perfectly fine with people rejecting any and every role to their hearts' desires.
But this post isn't about Some Feminists™. Quite frankly, most feminists accept the reality of cis privilege, and the few who don't are being confronted regularly enough that I'm not motivated to continue that battle in this particular post. I am, however, concerned with Eminism's insistence that people whose experiences aren't "trans enough" - defined by her as "someone who does not suffer from (or must manage possibility of suffering from) transphobia on a regular basis" - must accept their ascribed identity as cis. Taking thie counter-scenario to its extreme: what if literally everyone who claimed not to be cis was actually not cis? I don't care what they base their claim on. Maybe they're a butch-identified lesbian, maybe they're a gender abolitionist, maybe whatever. What portion of the population would all the non-cis people be? TINY. Cis privilege would still exist for that huge portion of the population that is most definitely cis, within a society that systematically delegitimatizes non-cis people's genders.
This is why I am not the gender police. While I do agree that some cis-but-not feminists are trying to have their cake and eat it too, and that the harm they are causing is as real as the cis privilege they are denying, I have exactly zero interest in spending my energy trying to slap a cis label on anyone I personally don't feel experiences "enough" trans discrimination. There are too many innocent bystanders who will get caught up in the casualties. It also places the focus yet again on cis people's experiences, instead of centering the dialog around genderqueer and trans experiences.
It is difficult occupying the grey areas between cis and trans... As with a friend I know who is a very-light-skinned black person, and another who has an invisible disability, I am a genderqueer person who often "passes" for cis in society. Often times we have to say things like "no, I'm actually black" or "no, I'm actually in a lot of pain right now and need to sit down" and "no, I'm actually genderqueer" in order to trigger our swift decent from privilege. Other times, we risk being socially ostracized for living out our authentic selves without even saying a word, as we let the accusations come forth that we're doing white wrong, or doing ability wrong, or doing woman wrong.
Yes, I can hear you protest "but actual white and able-bodied and woman persons are policed too!" Funny thing though: as soon as I came out as a not-a-woman genderqueer person, the tune society was singing changed from "you need to do X to be a woman" to "even if you don't do X, you're still a woman". This is cis privilege: knowing that no matter how much the kyriarchy threatens to revoke your Woman Card, they will never actually do it; the moment you try to take them up on that offer, they'll drag you kicking and screaming right back into Womanhood.
If I got to define "cis" and "trans", here's what I would say (with a huge disclaimer that I'm not the Word-Defining Authority who represents all feminism):
Does this mean a butch lesbian who was designated female at birth [I keep using this example because the original article did] occasionally has trans experiences, such as people attempting to kick her out of a women's restroom for looking like a man? Yeppers! That does not necessarily mean her identity is trans, mind you - if she says she's a woman, she's a woman. But ultimately, anyone who dares transgress gender norms will be thrown from grace, and that deserves compassion and understanding beyond "but you do realize you're cis, right?"
So as a genderqueer person, I still do periodically ask myself am I cis? am I trans? I experience both. But ultimately, they become something else entirely in the long run: a constant reminder that I can never be a boring ol' regular person so long as systematic inequality exists in our society.
tl;dr - Binaries don't work.
But this post isn't about Some Feminists™. Quite frankly, most feminists accept the reality of cis privilege, and the few who don't are being confronted regularly enough that I'm not motivated to continue that battle in this particular post. I am, however, concerned with Eminism's insistence that people whose experiences aren't "trans enough" - defined by her as "someone who does not suffer from (or must manage possibility of suffering from) transphobia on a regular basis" - must accept their ascribed identity as cis. Taking thie counter-scenario to its extreme: what if literally everyone who claimed not to be cis was actually not cis? I don't care what they base their claim on. Maybe they're a butch-identified lesbian, maybe they're a gender abolitionist, maybe whatever. What portion of the population would all the non-cis people be? TINY. Cis privilege would still exist for that huge portion of the population that is most definitely cis, within a society that systematically delegitimatizes non-cis people's genders.
This is why I am not the gender police. While I do agree that some cis-but-not feminists are trying to have their cake and eat it too, and that the harm they are causing is as real as the cis privilege they are denying, I have exactly zero interest in spending my energy trying to slap a cis label on anyone I personally don't feel experiences "enough" trans discrimination. There are too many innocent bystanders who will get caught up in the casualties. It also places the focus yet again on cis people's experiences, instead of centering the dialog around genderqueer and trans experiences.
It is difficult occupying the grey areas between cis and trans... As with a friend I know who is a very-light-skinned black person, and another who has an invisible disability, I am a genderqueer person who often "passes" for cis in society. Often times we have to say things like "no, I'm actually black" or "no, I'm actually in a lot of pain right now and need to sit down" and "no, I'm actually genderqueer" in order to trigger our swift decent from privilege. Other times, we risk being socially ostracized for living out our authentic selves without even saying a word, as we let the accusations come forth that we're doing white wrong, or doing ability wrong, or doing woman wrong.
Yes, I can hear you protest "but actual white and able-bodied and woman persons are policed too!" Funny thing though: as soon as I came out as a not-a-woman genderqueer person, the tune society was singing changed from "you need to do X to be a woman" to "even if you don't do X, you're still a woman". This is cis privilege: knowing that no matter how much the kyriarchy threatens to revoke your Woman Card, they will never actually do it; the moment you try to take them up on that offer, they'll drag you kicking and screaming right back into Womanhood.
If I got to define "cis" and "trans", here's what I would say (with a huge disclaimer that I'm not the Word-Defining Authority who represents all feminism):
- Cis people are the people whose genders are accepted on the whole by our society, and who are allowed to live day-to-day as their own gender without additional hurdles of "proof" required to validate their gender before gaining access to gendered resources.
- Trans people are the people who are told on a regular basis that cis people know what their "actual" gender is better than the trans people themselves, and who have to gather additional "proof" for cis gatekeepers before gaining access to those same gendered resources cis people take for granted.
Does this mean a butch lesbian who was designated female at birth [I keep using this example because the original article did] occasionally has trans experiences, such as people attempting to kick her out of a women's restroom for looking like a man? Yeppers! That does not necessarily mean her identity is trans, mind you - if she says she's a woman, she's a woman. But ultimately, anyone who dares transgress gender norms will be thrown from grace, and that deserves compassion and understanding beyond "but you do realize you're cis, right?"
So as a genderqueer person, I still do periodically ask myself am I cis? am I trans? I experience both. But ultimately, they become something else entirely in the long run: a constant reminder that I can never be a boring ol' regular person so long as systematic inequality exists in our society.
tl;dr - Binaries don't work.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Humanizing Genderqueer 18: Jay
Humanizing Genderqueer: Lived experiences of non-binary people.
Gender Wins: Recall a happy memory of when you felt most comfortable in your gender or most accepted as your gender by those around you.
I was going to the beach with a group of friends. Normally I feel really embarassed and awkward at the beach because I'm the only 'girl' most of the time in swim trunks and a t-shirt. My mom had made me feel awful over it too, and left me feeling down. But my friends didn't comment on it at all and we spent the day swimming, and I didn't have to wear the stupid bathing suit my mom had bought me and could walk around in trunks and the sun was warm and it was just wonderful.
Gender Struggles: Tell about a time when circumstances would not allow, or you had to make sacrifices, to remain true to your gender.
the most common times are during surveys or when people ask that people divide based on gender. I'm in the middle, and I flip back and forth without any reason or rhyme. It's tough to identify as either female or male, and often I refuse to circle either on a survey or test. In public events though or during activities, it's hard to speak up and say that you don't feel like you belong on the female or male end of the room.
Humanist Involvement: Suggest something the humanist community could do to make a positive impact on your personal quality of life.
A big thing is encourage the making of gender-neutral washrooms. Everyone deserves the right to pee without feeling uncomfortable or embarassed. I don't always look female, and I don't always look male, and I'd like to be able to not have to panic everytime I have to use the washroom. Never make someone uncomfortable either for using a washroom, if they aren't hurting anyone, just let them do their business in peace.
How You Identify (optional): Name, age, gender, location, ethnicity, anything you deem relevant.
Name: Jay/ Identify as: genderfluid/queer
Survey responses shared with permission.
Gender Wins: Recall a happy memory of when you felt most comfortable in your gender or most accepted as your gender by those around you.
I was going to the beach with a group of friends. Normally I feel really embarassed and awkward at the beach because I'm the only 'girl' most of the time in swim trunks and a t-shirt. My mom had made me feel awful over it too, and left me feeling down. But my friends didn't comment on it at all and we spent the day swimming, and I didn't have to wear the stupid bathing suit my mom had bought me and could walk around in trunks and the sun was warm and it was just wonderful.
Gender Struggles: Tell about a time when circumstances would not allow, or you had to make sacrifices, to remain true to your gender.
the most common times are during surveys or when people ask that people divide based on gender. I'm in the middle, and I flip back and forth without any reason or rhyme. It's tough to identify as either female or male, and often I refuse to circle either on a survey or test. In public events though or during activities, it's hard to speak up and say that you don't feel like you belong on the female or male end of the room.
Humanist Involvement: Suggest something the humanist community could do to make a positive impact on your personal quality of life.
A big thing is encourage the making of gender-neutral washrooms. Everyone deserves the right to pee without feeling uncomfortable or embarassed. I don't always look female, and I don't always look male, and I'd like to be able to not have to panic everytime I have to use the washroom. Never make someone uncomfortable either for using a washroom, if they aren't hurting anyone, just let them do their business in peace.
How You Identify (optional): Name, age, gender, location, ethnicity, anything you deem relevant.
Name: Jay/ Identify as: genderfluid/queer
Survey responses shared with permission.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Humanizing Genderqueer 15: Austin
Humanizing Genderqueer: Lived experiences of non-binary people.
Gender Wins: Recall a happy memory of when you felt most comfortable in your gender or most accepted as your gender by those around you.
When I found a group of people who were like me and understood my feelings about societies views of gender and understood how I view my own gender.
Gender Struggles: Tell about a time when circumstances would not allow, or you had to make sacrifices, to remain true to your gender.
When for a long time when I was younger my parents wouldn't accept me because of there religion and I couldn't live or be who I wanted. Also the times when I really don't want to be stared at or have the possibility of being discriminated against so I dress in a gender conforming way at those times.
Humanist Involvement: Suggest something the humanist community could do to make a positive impact on your personal quality of life.
Focus more on sexism, genderism, transphobia, and the negative impact gender roles and the binary have on people who don't fit it. Use science to debunk the notions of gender essentialism and the binary. Educate the public on how religion creates a false and narrow view of what gender is and how there is more diversity than religion wants you to see. Also include all gender and sexual minorities in the dialog of humanism. Just because you support gay marriage doesn't mean you are including all queer people.
How You Identify (optional): Name, age, gender, location, ethnicity, anything you deem relevant.
Austin femme genderqueer
Survey responses shared with permission.
Gender Wins: Recall a happy memory of when you felt most comfortable in your gender or most accepted as your gender by those around you.
When I found a group of people who were like me and understood my feelings about societies views of gender and understood how I view my own gender.
Gender Struggles: Tell about a time when circumstances would not allow, or you had to make sacrifices, to remain true to your gender.
When for a long time when I was younger my parents wouldn't accept me because of there religion and I couldn't live or be who I wanted. Also the times when I really don't want to be stared at or have the possibility of being discriminated against so I dress in a gender conforming way at those times.
Humanist Involvement: Suggest something the humanist community could do to make a positive impact on your personal quality of life.
Focus more on sexism, genderism, transphobia, and the negative impact gender roles and the binary have on people who don't fit it. Use science to debunk the notions of gender essentialism and the binary. Educate the public on how religion creates a false and narrow view of what gender is and how there is more diversity than religion wants you to see. Also include all gender and sexual minorities in the dialog of humanism. Just because you support gay marriage doesn't mean you are including all queer people.
How You Identify (optional): Name, age, gender, location, ethnicity, anything you deem relevant.
Austin femme genderqueer
Survey responses shared with permission.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Does ADHD cause gender dysphoria?
Hi! So I posted on addforums, and kind of made a mess of genderqueer/adhd. Basically someone else said that adhd made her gender issues go away, and she said my gender issues sounded similar as did my adhd. however this made me really dsyphoric and I have been out of control. they also were like you cant start T and adhd meds at the same time. they kept pushing adhd meds, saying I won't know my perception of self until I do. you are like the only person I can find that might have some input.
Oh hi! Ironically I have too much ADHD to regularly participate in ADD Forums, but thanks for looking me up.
I think they're full of shit trying to push any medication regime on you. Sounds like they're trying to "save" you from being genderqueer or something.
I can see how someone having ADHD might misattribute their social/mental dysphoria to gender dysphoria. I've considered it myself, since when I eat right and get enough sleep, my ADHD symptoms are greatly improved, and incidentally I have less gender-related anxiety as well. What if ADHD is causing the dysphoria?
For her, it seems that was the case, and she's managed to identify the correct cause of her problems. For me, it's that I'm managing my gender dysphoria better when I'm taking care of my mental health reserves. I can deal with being GQ better when I don't have to also deal with ADHD quite so much. Balancing all that is exhausting!
As far as you "can't" start T and ADHD meds at the same time... that sounds like something only your medical professionals can advise you. Outside of general concerns monitoring for unpleasant side effects (two new drugs at once may make it difficult to figure out what's caused by which), I haven't heard of any horrible drug reactions between the two that would prevent concurrent use.
I think they're full of shit trying to push any medication regime on you. Sounds like they're trying to "save" you from being genderqueer or something.
I can see how someone having ADHD might misattribute their social/mental dysphoria to gender dysphoria. I've considered it myself, since when I eat right and get enough sleep, my ADHD symptoms are greatly improved, and incidentally I have less gender-related anxiety as well. What if ADHD is causing the dysphoria?
For her, it seems that was the case, and she's managed to identify the correct cause of her problems. For me, it's that I'm managing my gender dysphoria better when I'm taking care of my mental health reserves. I can deal with being GQ better when I don't have to also deal with ADHD quite so much. Balancing all that is exhausting!
As far as you "can't" start T and ADHD meds at the same time... that sounds like something only your medical professionals can advise you. Outside of general concerns monitoring for unpleasant side effects (two new drugs at once may make it difficult to figure out what's caused by which), I haven't heard of any horrible drug reactions between the two that would prevent concurrent use.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Humanizing Genderqueer 14: Mx. Bear
Humanizing Genderqueer: Lived experiences of non-binary people.
Gender Wins: Recall a happy memory of when you felt most comfortable in your gender or most accepted as your gender by those around you.
When I told my husband I'd come to realize the source of a lot of my discomfort in life is that I'm genderqueer, and I was clearly scared to be having this talk, and he just hugged me and told me this doesn't change us... that I am who and what I am, and he loves me just the same as always.
Gender Struggles: Tell about a time when circumstances would not allow, or you had to make sacrifices, to remain true to your gender.
There are no correct restrooms for me in public places because I feel just as wrong in a womens' restroom as a mens' restroom. I've never been okay with restrooms at school, in the mall, etc in my entire life.
How You Identify (optional): Name, age, gender, location, ethnicity, anything you deem relevant.
Mx. Bear
Survey responses shared with permission.
Gender Wins: Recall a happy memory of when you felt most comfortable in your gender or most accepted as your gender by those around you.
When I told my husband I'd come to realize the source of a lot of my discomfort in life is that I'm genderqueer, and I was clearly scared to be having this talk, and he just hugged me and told me this doesn't change us... that I am who and what I am, and he loves me just the same as always.
Gender Struggles: Tell about a time when circumstances would not allow, or you had to make sacrifices, to remain true to your gender.
There are no correct restrooms for me in public places because I feel just as wrong in a womens' restroom as a mens' restroom. I've never been okay with restrooms at school, in the mall, etc in my entire life.
How You Identify (optional): Name, age, gender, location, ethnicity, anything you deem relevant.
Mx. Bear
Survey responses shared with permission.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Humanizing Genderqueer 13: James
Humanizing Genderqueer: Lived experiences of non-binary people.
Gender Wins: Recall a happy memory of when you felt most comfortable in your gender or most accepted as your gender by those around you.
When I came out to a friend as genderqueer, she simply asked me about my preferred pronouns, rather than finding it strange, as I'd feared she might.
Another happy memory is when I bound (binded?) for the first time in public, and no one said anything, which was precisely what I was going for.
[Editor's note: spell check is telling me "bound" is correct. In case you're like me, and didn't know either.]
Gender Struggles: Tell about a time when circumstances would not allow, or you had to make sacrifices, to remain true to your gender.
Whenever someone misgenders me as female (which is all the time as I must present as female to a rather conservative crowd), I get super uncomfortable. I cannot say anything, as most people who misgender me would likely consider me a freak or "confused."
I'd also love for people to call me James as well as my given name, but I'm too afraid to actually do so.
Humanist Involvement: Suggest something the humanist community could do to make a positive impact on your personal quality of life.
Just getting the message out there that genderqueer people exist, and that we don't conform to any one type of gender presentation, so you never can quite tell who might be genderqueer.
How You Identify (optional): Name, age, gender, location, ethnicity, anything you deem relevant.
"James", 21, genderqueer, New Hampshire
Survey responses shared with permission.
Gender Wins: Recall a happy memory of when you felt most comfortable in your gender or most accepted as your gender by those around you.
When I came out to a friend as genderqueer, she simply asked me about my preferred pronouns, rather than finding it strange, as I'd feared she might.
Another happy memory is when I bound (binded?) for the first time in public, and no one said anything, which was precisely what I was going for.
[Editor's note: spell check is telling me "bound" is correct. In case you're like me, and didn't know either.]
Gender Struggles: Tell about a time when circumstances would not allow, or you had to make sacrifices, to remain true to your gender.
Whenever someone misgenders me as female (which is all the time as I must present as female to a rather conservative crowd), I get super uncomfortable. I cannot say anything, as most people who misgender me would likely consider me a freak or "confused."
I'd also love for people to call me James as well as my given name, but I'm too afraid to actually do so.
Humanist Involvement: Suggest something the humanist community could do to make a positive impact on your personal quality of life.
Just getting the message out there that genderqueer people exist, and that we don't conform to any one type of gender presentation, so you never can quite tell who might be genderqueer.
How You Identify (optional): Name, age, gender, location, ethnicity, anything you deem relevant.
"James", 21, genderqueer, New Hampshire
Survey responses shared with permission.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Humanizing Genderqueer 11: M
Humanizing Genderqueer: Lived experiences of non-binary people.
Gender Wins: Recall a happy memory of when you felt most comfortable in your gender or most accepted as your gender by those around you.
A group of friends and I were all enthusiastically discussing a film we all love but have never watched collectively. Everyone but me identified as a cisgender woman. A friend exclaimed "Let's have a ladies' night!" Not a single beat later, she corrected herself "A people's night!" - and in chorus with several other people who were present. Not only did my friend catch herself and correct herself without me needing to speak up, my other friends were ready and willing to do that work for me, knowing how I have to deal with misgendering all the time from strangers and intimates alike and wanting to offer me a break from continual education and advocacy. It made me feel like they really have my back on this issue.
Gender Struggles: Tell about a time when circumstances would not allow, or you had to make sacrifices, to remain true to your gender.
Pretty much every day. Genderqueer where I live is not a widely recognized gender category, nor is it known to my family and most of my friends. As a curvaceous person, no matter how masculinely I cut my hair or how tightly I bind, so far people consistently perceive me as female. When I choose to come out to someone, I have to explain what my gender identity means, and I continual struggle with how to word it so that people don't dismiss me as being "precious," or whatever. Just walking down the street, I have to deal with misogynistic harassment, people saying "excuse me ma'am" or "pardon me, girl" or whatever gendered nouns and honorifics they feel they must use in situations that really, really don't require any.
Worst, I cannot be out at work. Not because my workplace is hostile, thankfully, but because: how do you explain, in our heavily binaristic and heternormative culture, the concept of genderqueer and pronouns and bodies to the specific adults with special needs with whom I work? I came really close accidentally one time, when I asked a man I work with to please stop using "ladies" for a group that included me ("ladies" is a particular pet peeve of mine). He answered with "Well, that's what you are isn't it? You aren't some...thing." Most of the people I work with wouldn't be any better at looking at a body like mine and remembering that it isn't female than my neurotypical friends are (they need reminding often enough), and many of them struggle with language and don't need an extra pronoun or two thrown in the mix - ones that are not in popular use and that their families probably wouldn't understand. (I want to be really clear that I am talking about specific people whom I know very well, not painting a broad community as incapable of understanding gender diversity.)
Humanist Involvement: Suggest something the humanist community could do to make a positive impact on your personal quality of life.
Mostly, genderqueer/nonbinarism isn't very well known, in my experience. Education in that matter is important - and it provides a lead-in to a very simple and important point that would greatly decrease my discomfort just walking around in the world - "Don't use gendered terms with/for folks who haven't explicitly identified their gender to you, especially when addressing strangers." "Have a great day!" and "Sorry for bumping you!" are perfectly polite and require no added "ma'am" or "lady" or "girl" or "sir" or "man" to be perceived as such.
How You Identify (optional): Name, age, gender, location, ethnicity, anything you deem relevant.
M, 26, agender/genderqueer, PDX
Survey responses shared with permission.
Gender Wins: Recall a happy memory of when you felt most comfortable in your gender or most accepted as your gender by those around you.
A group of friends and I were all enthusiastically discussing a film we all love but have never watched collectively. Everyone but me identified as a cisgender woman. A friend exclaimed "Let's have a ladies' night!" Not a single beat later, she corrected herself "A people's night!" - and in chorus with several other people who were present. Not only did my friend catch herself and correct herself without me needing to speak up, my other friends were ready and willing to do that work for me, knowing how I have to deal with misgendering all the time from strangers and intimates alike and wanting to offer me a break from continual education and advocacy. It made me feel like they really have my back on this issue.
Gender Struggles: Tell about a time when circumstances would not allow, or you had to make sacrifices, to remain true to your gender.
Pretty much every day. Genderqueer where I live is not a widely recognized gender category, nor is it known to my family and most of my friends. As a curvaceous person, no matter how masculinely I cut my hair or how tightly I bind, so far people consistently perceive me as female. When I choose to come out to someone, I have to explain what my gender identity means, and I continual struggle with how to word it so that people don't dismiss me as being "precious," or whatever. Just walking down the street, I have to deal with misogynistic harassment, people saying "excuse me ma'am" or "pardon me, girl" or whatever gendered nouns and honorifics they feel they must use in situations that really, really don't require any.
Worst, I cannot be out at work. Not because my workplace is hostile, thankfully, but because: how do you explain, in our heavily binaristic and heternormative culture, the concept of genderqueer and pronouns and bodies to the specific adults with special needs with whom I work? I came really close accidentally one time, when I asked a man I work with to please stop using "ladies" for a group that included me ("ladies" is a particular pet peeve of mine). He answered with "Well, that's what you are isn't it? You aren't some...thing." Most of the people I work with wouldn't be any better at looking at a body like mine and remembering that it isn't female than my neurotypical friends are (they need reminding often enough), and many of them struggle with language and don't need an extra pronoun or two thrown in the mix - ones that are not in popular use and that their families probably wouldn't understand. (I want to be really clear that I am talking about specific people whom I know very well, not painting a broad community as incapable of understanding gender diversity.)
Humanist Involvement: Suggest something the humanist community could do to make a positive impact on your personal quality of life.
Mostly, genderqueer/nonbinarism isn't very well known, in my experience. Education in that matter is important - and it provides a lead-in to a very simple and important point that would greatly decrease my discomfort just walking around in the world - "Don't use gendered terms with/for folks who haven't explicitly identified their gender to you, especially when addressing strangers." "Have a great day!" and "Sorry for bumping you!" are perfectly polite and require no added "ma'am" or "lady" or "girl" or "sir" or "man" to be perceived as such.
How You Identify (optional): Name, age, gender, location, ethnicity, anything you deem relevant.
M, 26, agender/genderqueer, PDX
Survey responses shared with permission.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Humanizing Genderqueer 10: Badger
Humanizing Genderqueer: Lived experiences of non-binary people.
Gender Wins: Recall a happy memory of when you felt most comfortable in your gender or most accepted as your gender by those around you.
I was having a conversation with a close friend about struggling with gender identity, expectations and presentations. Pronouns were a strong feature of our discussion. I explained, as best I could, that I didn't feel like I sat comfortably as male or female and I was trying to find myself a series of pronouns that worked for me. We spent time researching the history of pronouns and found that 'se' (pronounced like the letter C) which formerly was a pronoun for women, but eventually became 'she' in modern English. My friend pointed out, in addition to it being representative of my history as a woman, it also included a slight pun ("Society has options A and B, and you chose C!").
Gender Struggles: Tell about a time when circumstances would not allow, or you had to make sacrifices, to remain true to your gender.
Coming from a conservative family, my gender presentation is frequently highlighted and called out. I knew, even when just entering high school, I wanted to wear a tux for my senior prom. My mother, despite two years of foreknowledge, was adamantly opposed to the idea and eventually managed to smother it. While the dress I ended up wearing was of my own choosing, the fact still remains that she deliberately and aggressively pushed against my wishes.
Humanist Involvement: Suggest something the humanist community could do to make a positive impact on your personal quality of life.
Amplify our voices. Listen to us. Pay attention when we say something pertaining to our community. Be willing to be wrong.
How You Identify (optional): Name, age, gender, location, ethnicity, anything you deem relevant.
Badger, 18, Texas
Survey responses shared with permission.
Gender Wins: Recall a happy memory of when you felt most comfortable in your gender or most accepted as your gender by those around you.
I was having a conversation with a close friend about struggling with gender identity, expectations and presentations. Pronouns were a strong feature of our discussion. I explained, as best I could, that I didn't feel like I sat comfortably as male or female and I was trying to find myself a series of pronouns that worked for me. We spent time researching the history of pronouns and found that 'se' (pronounced like the letter C) which formerly was a pronoun for women, but eventually became 'she' in modern English. My friend pointed out, in addition to it being representative of my history as a woman, it also included a slight pun ("Society has options A and B, and you chose C!").
Gender Struggles: Tell about a time when circumstances would not allow, or you had to make sacrifices, to remain true to your gender.
Coming from a conservative family, my gender presentation is frequently highlighted and called out. I knew, even when just entering high school, I wanted to wear a tux for my senior prom. My mother, despite two years of foreknowledge, was adamantly opposed to the idea and eventually managed to smother it. While the dress I ended up wearing was of my own choosing, the fact still remains that she deliberately and aggressively pushed against my wishes.
Humanist Involvement: Suggest something the humanist community could do to make a positive impact on your personal quality of life.
Amplify our voices. Listen to us. Pay attention when we say something pertaining to our community. Be willing to be wrong.
How You Identify (optional): Name, age, gender, location, ethnicity, anything you deem relevant.
Badger, 18, Texas
Survey responses shared with permission.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Humanizing Genderqueer 9: CRJ
Humanizing Genderqueer: Lived experiences of non-binary people.
Gender Wins: Recall a happy memory of when you felt most comfortable in your gender or most accepted as your gender by those around you.
When someone asked me what pronoun I prefer in an offline context. It has happened only once. But it meant the world to me.
Gender Struggles: Tell about a time when circumstances would not allow, or you had to make sacrifices, to remain true to your gender.
I pretty much have to present as a cisman for fear of economic retribution and fear of social isolation. I struggle daily with this, and one day it might be a day too far and I might forgo my fears.
Humanist Involvement: Suggest something the humanist community could do to make a positive impact on your personal quality of life.
One of the most fundamental changes is to accept that gender is a spectrum and not a binary, and to promote this view. This goes beyond pronouns - it is about transforming the outlook towards gender in general. At a more direct level, support for legal and/or institutional measures that mitigate or even eliminate binary requirements on gender - everything from forms that only accept two responses for gender, to bathrooms rights.
How You Identify (optional): Name, age, gender, location, ethnicity, anything you deem relevant.
crj, 35, gq, nyc, pr
Survey results shared with permission.
Gender Wins: Recall a happy memory of when you felt most comfortable in your gender or most accepted as your gender by those around you.
When someone asked me what pronoun I prefer in an offline context. It has happened only once. But it meant the world to me.
Gender Struggles: Tell about a time when circumstances would not allow, or you had to make sacrifices, to remain true to your gender.
I pretty much have to present as a cisman for fear of economic retribution and fear of social isolation. I struggle daily with this, and one day it might be a day too far and I might forgo my fears.
Humanist Involvement: Suggest something the humanist community could do to make a positive impact on your personal quality of life.
One of the most fundamental changes is to accept that gender is a spectrum and not a binary, and to promote this view. This goes beyond pronouns - it is about transforming the outlook towards gender in general. At a more direct level, support for legal and/or institutional measures that mitigate or even eliminate binary requirements on gender - everything from forms that only accept two responses for gender, to bathrooms rights.
How You Identify (optional): Name, age, gender, location, ethnicity, anything you deem relevant.
crj, 35, gq, nyc, pr
Survey results shared with permission.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Humanizing Genderqueer 8
Humanizing Genderqueer: Lived experiences of non-binary people.
Gender Wins: Recall a happy memory of when you felt most comfortable in your gender or most accepted as your gender by those around you.
The department store I work at has coworkers who really encouraged me to wear makeup. This was something I wasn't comfortable with until I discovered that genderqueerness existed and I feel the binary break down whenever I clock in.
Gender Struggles: Tell about a time when circumstances would not allow, or you had to make sacrifices, to remain true to your gender.
In high school show choir, boys and girls were divided and given different choreography. Girls got more complicated and interesting dance moves while we got simply stuff even when most of the girls had just as little dance experience as we did. I asked if we could do something else that didn't divide us by gender all the time but my complaints were ignored.
Humanist Involvement: Suggest something the humanist community could do to make a positive impact on your personal quality of life.
Encourage the performing arts to break down modern gender roles and reward and spread of new and innovating ways of expression for all genders.
How You Identify (optional): Name, age, gender, location, ethnicity, anything you deem relevant.
White, 20, genderqueer, bi/pansexual
Survey results shared with permission.
Gender Wins: Recall a happy memory of when you felt most comfortable in your gender or most accepted as your gender by those around you.
The department store I work at has coworkers who really encouraged me to wear makeup. This was something I wasn't comfortable with until I discovered that genderqueerness existed and I feel the binary break down whenever I clock in.
Gender Struggles: Tell about a time when circumstances would not allow, or you had to make sacrifices, to remain true to your gender.
In high school show choir, boys and girls were divided and given different choreography. Girls got more complicated and interesting dance moves while we got simply stuff even when most of the girls had just as little dance experience as we did. I asked if we could do something else that didn't divide us by gender all the time but my complaints were ignored.
Humanist Involvement: Suggest something the humanist community could do to make a positive impact on your personal quality of life.
Encourage the performing arts to break down modern gender roles and reward and spread of new and innovating ways of expression for all genders.
How You Identify (optional): Name, age, gender, location, ethnicity, anything you deem relevant.
White, 20, genderqueer, bi/pansexual
Survey results shared with permission.
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