"I'm just not attracted to X"

I've noticed quite a lot of "I'm just not attracted to X" in my years, where X happens to be a member of society that is explicitly propped up as "revolting" by the media and the general public. X includes trans people, black people, fat people, etc. "I'm not racist, I just can't" I've heard. And you know what? I'm not debating whether someone "can", or whether someone "should", as if anyone has an obligation to prove their possibilities by forcing them into realities.

But I do expect people to be mature enough to know when they've been instructed "thou shalt not" from birth, that they're not experiencing a unique unbiased independent pure natural totally-has-nothing-to-do-with-society attraction. Not in a society that has been flooding their minds from birth with these anti-X messages. I also expect people to understand that, even if it feels like their sexuality is operating outside of society, that their own messages which contribute to the "X is revolting", even if not explicitly saying as much, are going to be added to that arsenal by society as a weapon against the next X person.

So again: I don't expect anyone to run off and force themselves into sexual experiments or whatnot. That's not what this is about. This is about being willing to introspectively critique one's own place in society, and how deep that external influence can actually go.

Edit to Add:

What I say: “Personal preferences don’t exist in a vacuum.”

What people read: “Personal preferences don’t exist.”

Sigh...

The Problem with Armchair Diagnosing Mental Illness

http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2013/03/narcissistic-sociopathic-or-plain-abusive/

I have occasionally run into people who are preoccupied with narcissism/sociopathy. They insist that they can spot the tell-tale signs a mile away, and that the only acceptable response is to turn the diagnosed into a pariah.

I have several problems with this. For one, it reinforces the concept of sane privilege, which sets people who struggle with mental health as inferior to those with a mental health status accepted by society as "normal". It also introduces the idea that laypersons should be armchair diagnosing other members of society with mental illness, under the guise of self-preservation. Perhaps there could be a point on the side of such people if mental illness actually were associated with increased rates of abusive behavior, but the facts simply don't support such an assertion.

The end result of this sort of false correlation is a mental illness stigma on those who would seek help. This not only discourages people from getting help who need it, lest they be labeled as a dangerous person; it also diverts mental health resources away from those who don't fit our stereotypes of someone who needs help, when "needs help" is actually code for "is dangerous".

Bisexuals and Straight Privilege

Edit: I disagree with much of this now, but I am not deleting it in the interest of honesty.  I recognize now that bisexual (cis) women experience higher rates of violence  and abuse than any other cis queer demographic, and that for trans bisexuals (especially black trans people) it's even worse.  Materially, "looking straight" has proven to offer no protection.

As someone who used to see myself as cis bisexual (before I was comfortable with accepting my trans status), I can definitely relate to #1 and #2 in this post. I gained a lot of privilege when I was with a man that I lost when I was with a woman.

Having been on both sides of the fence, and even on top of it from time to time, I can say that #3 is really missing the point of what "privilege" means. I wish privilege were a feeling! Unfortunately, privilege is an systematic advantage gained by having a status ascribed to oneself.

If people think I'm cis, and they see me with my partner, they will treat us like we're straight. It will not feel comfortable, and in fact will feel very degendering, but that doesn't change the fact that even wrongly-ascribed privilege is still privilege.

Not My Nigel

My Nigel* "gets it" more often than not. And I'm not saying everyone should give him cookies simply for being a decent human being, though of course I like to celebrate my partner's positive qualities because I love and respect him. But it seems like so many of my genderqueer and woman friends online and in meatspace are partnered with dudes that just don't "get it" at certain times when it seems like the situation is self-evidently hostile to gender equality. I want to be like "hey, this isn't rocket surgery, my Nigel gets it, what's this asshole's excuse?" but then that sounds so "my boyfriend can beat up your boyfriend."

I guess what I'm saying is that anti-feminist attitudes in men aren't some sort of force of nature, like "in today's forecast, we have a high of male supremacy with a chance of scattered sexist jokes." Some of us don't face that crap on the home front on a regular basis - my lived experience is proof of concept that this is not only possible, but to be expected, even demanded of men in our** lives. Anti-feminist male attitudes are the result of willful ignorance or gross negligence at best. They're not something that the gender minorities in our lives should be expected to brace themselves for on a regular basis, hoping the sexism washes over them with minimal damage, because "boys will be boys" and ze wouldn't want to hurt his feelings, now would ze?

*that's feminist lingo for a male partner, friend, or family member
**I in no way want to imply that the responsibility is on gender minorities to police men's behavior.

Zinnia Jones: Gender is only important when THEY say it is.

“What if someone thinks they’re a cat?”

(Besides the obvious answer that gender is a sub-set of humanity, and that cats are outside of humanity.)

SO WHAT?

So some guy thinks he's a cat. Is he still showing love and compassion to his friends and family? Is he still taking care of his responsibilities and meeting his goals? Why can't one of his goals be "cat"!

I, for one, anticipate our transhumanist future.