"How Do You Have Sex?"

This blog post was written to fulfill an assignment for the course Creativity & Community.

A classmate's creative blog post reminded me of this question I have been asked fortunately rarely, but unfortunately a non-zero number of times, by people who do not need to know.  The succinct answer is "how do I not have sex, amirite!" 😀

The reality is there is no good answer to this question.  The person asking has already brought the awkwardness level to 11, at that point I'm already playing a messy clean-up game.  I could get embarrassed and feel shamed about all the fake sex I'm apparently having.  I could drop everything and whip out the charts and diagrams to prove we trans folk can have real sex too.  Or I could laugh at you.  Quite frankly, life is too short and I enjoy laughter, so that's probably the option I'm going to go with. 😁

My mother has a sort of underlying anxiety about who I partner myself with, seeing as I'm bisexual and might bring home the wrong set of genitals on accident...?  So when I first told her about my current girlfriend, she asked me what gender they are "in their pants".  I told her she needs to go find her own genderqueer person to flirt with, November is mine*. 😂

There are circumstances under which it is actually acceptable to ask me how I have sex.  Are we friends who are already comfortable talking about general sex stuff together?  Are we intending to have sex together, and we actually need to work out the details?  Are you yourself transgender and looking for general advice that is unfortunately rather scarce on the internet?  Then yes, go ahead and ask if my sexual techniques are something I'd be comfortable discussing with you. 😇

Honestly, I kind of feel sorry for the person asking out of a clear disbelief that there is more than one way to do the sexy times.  I kind of want to sit with them a while and hold their hand and say "you poor dear, I know the tunnel seems long and dark, but there is a light at the end, and we can find it together."  But maybe that's what this is all about after all: maybe cis people are trying to steal our superior sexy trans moves from us.  Well you can't have them!  They're ours!! All ours!!!  ...Sigh, I guess I'll share, but only if you ask nicely. 😘


*We're not monogamous, but my mother is.