It seems like the gender binary is oftentimes not even between man/woman but rather between man/not-man. "But you're not a man!" Yeah, no shit.
Another thing that gives me whiplash is that my entire life was people telling me how to be the right kind of girl. Dress this way! Act this way! Finally I threw the whole thing off, thinking that since I'm *not* doing those things I'd immediately get ushered into the not-girl category, like had been threatened me my whole life. NOPE. Suddenly everyone's a "feminist". [I purposely place in "scare quotes".] Girls can do X too! X being anything I happen to be doing at the time.
There's no winning when playing by everyone else's rules, because their rules are rigged in their favor. Always. The single greatest eye-opener for me was when I was not binding, just wearing plainclothes (somewhat gender-neutral) and I was ushered by a helpful lady into the men's room. There are plenty of times when that doesn't happen even when I'm presenting masculine-to-the-max. It suddenly clicked, not just in my brain, but in the core of my beliefs, a very liberating realization:
It's not me. It's them.*
I don't have to feel like it's something I've said or done. I don't have to feel insecure. I don't have to question what I'm wearing or how I'm acting. I'm going to do what makes me comfortable in my own skin, or even (gasp!) most fun at that moment. If they don't get it, I'll smile and pat them on the head and tell them that one day they'll learn.
*with the problem, that is