Humanizing Genderqueer 3: James

Humanizing Genderqueer: Lived experiences of non-binary people.


Gender Wins: Recall a happy memory of when you felt most comfortable in your gender or most accepted as your gender by those around you.

When I was living in Brighton (England) and was able to walk down the street in what ever get up and no one caring or staring.


Gender Struggles: Tell about a time when circumstances would not allow, or you had to make sacrifices, to remain true to your gender.

You have to be strong to be genderqueer. it has always been 24/7 7 days a week for me, you have to ride though life and just hope people are accepting.


Humanist Involvement: Suggest something the humanist community could do to make a positive impact on your personal quality of life.

Express the importance of individuality and the different needs for different people.


How You Identify (optional): Name, age, gender, location, ethnicity, anything you deem relevant.

James, 23, Leicester, British.

Survey results shared with permission.

Humanizing Genderqueer 2: Valérie

Humanizing Genderqueer: Lived experiences of non-binary people.


Gender Wins: Recall a happy memory of when you felt most comfortable in your gender or most accepted as your gender by those around you.

When I was at the hospital getting approval for beginning hormone therapy. I wasn't aware it would be so invasive and I was still presenting as male (still am unfortunately) but I was wearing a bra with silicone breast forms. I was so embarrassed when he was checking my lungs under my shirt, and more so when he had me remove my pants and underwear to examine my genitals. It freaked me out so much, I almost ran away. Then he had a nurse come in to give me an ECG ... with my shirt off (still in bra and forms). While I was having a mini panic attack, she was just chatting away like nothing was out of the ordinary as she lifted my 'breasts' out of the way to place a couple of the electrodes. I count it as my only win because she never showed any negative judgement or anything like that. I started crying a little bit because I wanted to thank her SO much but was too afraid to bring it up. She even complimented me on my nail polish while she worked.


Gender Struggles: Tell about a time when circumstances would not allow, or you had to make sacrifices, to remain true to your gender.

My entire life up to now to be honest. Any time I expressed my true gender as a child at home or at school I was teased, bullied, punished. Even now I am in a situation where I am living with my parents and I keep getting looks from them for even the littlest things, like shaping my eyebrows, or painting my nails. The looks make me feel so incredibly uncomfortable I don't dare do more. I can't even talk to them about it, they shut down. I have no friends I could go to for comfort or a safe place to be "me". I'm not even sure anymore if I would know how to be "me" if I wanted to.


Humanist Involvement: Suggest something the humanist community could do to make a positive impact on your personal quality of life.


I, admittedly, don't know much of anything about the humanist community, but if I could make a wish, it would be for someone to help me set up a fund to raise money for things like getting my mouth repaired, voice therapy, FFS (facial feminization  surgery), top surgery, and possibly bottom surgery. I know it sounds like that show extreme make-over and it kind of is... just without it being broadcast on television. But I don't have much hope of anything like that happening for me. I don't have the luck.

I guess the most I could realistically hope for is raised awareness for the transgender community. So there would be less of a stigma attached to being trans*.


How You Identify (optional): Name, age, gender, location, ethnicity, anything you deem relevant.

I identify as female. My chosen name is Valérie Annette Lovelle. I am 34 years old. I live in south-eastern Wisconsin (Milwaukee). I am caucasion.

Survey results shared with permission.

Humanizing Genderqueer 1: Andy

Humanizing Genderqueer: Lived experiences of non-binary people


I'm going to be giving a talk to the Ethical Society of St Louis about genderqueer issues. I'm asking genderqueer people to share our experiences with the humanist community, and I figured I might as well start with myself!


Gender Wins: Recall a happy memory of when you felt most comfortable in your gender or most accepted as your gender by those around you.

I am fortunate to have many, but the most recent was last weekend at my friends Laura and Dustin's wedding. I loved being around so many of the people I care about, meeting new people, them all accepting me. Got a lot of compliments about the bow tie, and even some on my dancing. Lulz, little do they know, I can't dance, I merely am able to flail about in time with the music.

I think one the the most heart-warming gender moments was when I explained to my son about who I am, and he got so excited and told me how cool that is. He "gets it" way more than most other people I know - almost never forgets my prefered gender-neutral parental title, and immediately corrects himself if he does. He also is comfortable with the right for people to self-identify rather than falling back on an ideological gender essentialism. He's also 6, so that might have a lot to do with it. :D


Gender Struggles: Tell about a time when circumstances would not allow, or you had to make sacrifices, to remain true to your gender.

Well... there really isn't any space to be genderqueer in the insurance world. There just isn't. I'm there for my functional utility and to be likeable. I need to be what customers want me to be, or it makes the agency look bad, and making the agency look bad makes my bosses look bad, and making my bosses look bad makes my position less secure. This is not unique to me either. Many (if not most) genderqueer people have employment dilemmas such as mine.


Humanist Involvement: Suggest something the humanist community could do to make a positive impact on your personal quality of life.

I think the humanist community could focus on gender equality beyond simply women's liberation. This isn't to say placing one struggle over the other, but to say that all gender rights are intertwined. That feminism is incomplete without transgender activism, and vice versa. That gender equality isn't just about creating two equal genders, but also creating the freedom for people to choose all genders equally.


How You Identify (optional): Name, age, gender, location, ethnicity, anything you deem relevant.

Andy, 26, genderqueer, St Louis, white, humanist, Whovian.